Tips on Making Sure People Know You’re a Blackberry user

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So you bought a Blackberry, probably the same time you picked up the new iPod nano and now you want to know how to show the world you’re a Blackberry user. With the iPod you have the trademark white earbuds to easily show how fashionable you are but it’s not so simple with the Blackberry. Not to worry though, we at Blackberry Cool have compiled a list to make sure people notice that you’re rich or important enough to own a Blackberry.

1. Always have your Blackberry exposed. No one will know you’re a Blackberry user if you keep the device in your pocket, briefcase, or purse. You need to have it outside for all to see and awe at how much of an important person you are. We recommend using the holster and clipping it to your front belt which provides the most exposure. Having the device on your front side also has a secondary benefit where users are forced to stare down at your pants area. If one tries to avoid looking down at your crotch area then you need to thrust your hips forward a few inches, but not too far that someone will file a HR complaint against you.

2. Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize. It’s not just enough to make non-Blackberry users jealous; you will also need to make your counterparts jealous. Just like they say in fashion, accessories make the outfit you need to do the same with your Blackberry. First we recommend downloading some programs to your new device, Magmic’s Texas Hold’em King is a good start because you need to practice your Hold’em skills which you picked up because ESPN said it was the next cool thing. Second is to buy the most expensive Bluetooth headset. If you’re Blackberry doesn’t support Bluetooth then you need to upgrade immediately because that means your Blackberry is at least 6 months old and you can’t be carrying something that old around. Finally, the ultimate accessory is to buy yourself a car with a Bluetooth kit, we recommend a BMW 3-series Cabriolet for maximum exposure. There’s no need to buy a more expensive BMW because we all know you probably can’t afford it and most girls think a bimmer is a bimmer.

3. When replying to emails make sure to hint that you’re somewhere other than your desk. One of the major reasons people buy Blackberrys is the ability to read and write email anywhere there’s a signal. Something like,‘Hey Jim, I’ll send you the TPS report when I get back in, just need to finish some work on my 40-ft yacht.’.

4. When around other Blackberry users make sure to have your Blackberry out as well, even though you have no emails. You can’t let other Blackberry users have all the fun, so when they start typing away, you need to type even faster. If you’re in an area with many Blackberry users then you need to step it up even more. The best way is to start yelling obscenities at your Blackberry, something like ‘Damn you Bob, you just cost me millions of dollars because you didn’t short XXX stock’.

5. Never ever change the default Blackberry signature. By this time everyone in the world even Mike Lazaridis and Jim Balsillie knows you’re a Blackberry user but you can’t let up. Actually, there’s only one other signature that you can change it to, and that is:

‘Sent from one of my many Blackberry handhelds …’

  • matt
    This is brilliant,I totally agree!
  • sent from blackberry
    Game on ha ha love it
  • maya the b
    This is the MOST HYSTERICAL POST EVER!!! I concur! and I also admit, proudly, that I fit the above description! LOL
  • Jim
    I know this article is suppose to be satire but I seriously see a lot of truth to it, especially the one where others will pull out their Blackberry when they see another Blackberry user.

    Overall pretty funny stuff.
  • jj
    relax Mr. Serious Guy. It's all in fun. Not everything can be as serious as you all the time. Lighten up you fool.
  • Keith Adest
    This article is a waste. Is there really nothing to report about?
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