Some of you may’ve been alerted to the ongoing promotion at BlackBerry.com where you’re asked to profess your love for the BlackBerry. I didn’t really pay it any heed as it’s obviously an easy way for RIM to get in some market research, but after L.M. Lloyd’s column last week called “Hating to love the BlackBerry”, I thought, hey, life’s too short for hating. So without further adieu I present: Loving to Love the BlackBerry, a piece that showcases reasons why I love my BlackBerry 8700.
Satire alert, by the way.
Why do I love my BlackBerry? Well, there’s plenty of reasons. Sure, the email thing is nice. Yeah, the app’s available are pretty cool. But for me, it’s the false sense of importance that it lends when I need a little confidence booster. Feeling down? Whipping my BlackBerry out on a busy sidewalk or in a restaurant so everyone can see I’m working on my 8700 will instantly cure any blues I may have. Everyone can tell that I’ve got a BlackBerry, that means I’m important.
A lot of people don’t know this, but you can actually mark your territory with a BlackBerry. No, no – it’s true. One of the first things that I do when I get to bar is get my device out and slam it on the table. There. Now the entire bar know that the spot with the 8700 belongs to the guy in a powersuit with shoes that cost more than their mortgage payments. Not only that, but that’s how I can show off to the cute bartender and she just knows that I’ve got enough room in my address book for her number – yet another reason I adore this thing.
This reason may seem a little outlandish, but try it out and you’ll be preaching, too. I love bowling over little old ladies on the sidewalk and blaming it on the BlackBerry. Here’s the deal: I’m a quick walker. We’re talking double digit mile-an-hour speeds here. If there are some folks in front of me who happen to be older and meandering along at a snail’s pace, I just feign an important call on my BlackBerry (obviously it’s a business call, I’m on a BlackBerry), and I can split the defence and knock over the women, apologizing only briefly cause hey, I’m on a really important call here.
That track wheel sound. It just soothes the soul, doesn’t it? Click, click, click. Ahhhh, heaven.
Speaking of heaven, is it just me, or does it sound like angels singing whenever that “classic ringer” goes off? I make sure that my profile is always set to the loudest setting so not only do I not miss a call, but now the entire office knows how important I am when my BlackBerry continuously goes off the hook. Sometimes I even let it ring a couple extra times just so the folks in the cubicle’s farthest away from me are alerted to how important I must be.
I think the highlight of the BlackBerry, for me at least, is it’s ability to detract the more dull members of the human population. We all have some people in our lives that we’d prefer not to, right? They approach with their awkward smiles and eyes slightly bulging, ready to share mundane story after mundane story. How do I get out of situations like these? Easy. Device comes out, trackwheel gets a little rotation, and immediately I’m immersed in important emails. Not only that, but I could fake a call (you didn’t hear a ring ’cause it’s on vibrate, I swear). Thank you again, BlackBerry.
So, in short, the reason I love my BlackBerry 8700 so much is that it’s my very own “get out of jail” free card. People see the BlackBerry, they know that I’m a more productive member of society, and they let me on my way so I can continue with my productivity. And if you ever see me on the street and have some comments about this article, you best not let me know about them. Chances are I’ll be on an important call.
This article wasn’t meant to offend, folks. We all know at least one person like this, though. Or a slighly less intense version, at least. And if you notice that you’ve got some of the above attributes, maybe it’s time to put the BlackBerry down a little more. We’ll be looking for proud CrackBerry addicts in a few weeks, so start getting your stories together, please.